Thirsty??

Hey, remember how refreshing beer is on a hot day or how nice it is to enjoy a cold one with your friends after a long day of work? Can you remember how relaxing it is to sip a refreshing long neck while at the helm of the Bar-B-Que? Well my friends if you love beer and its ice cold refreshing taste, then why not wet your whistle with an ice cold bottle of........"Goat Urine" otherwise known as Bud Light Golden Wheat. Bud Light Golden Wheat is just like regular beer except it's not brewed with barley or hops or......Okay its not beer. It is brewed with coriander (Ya know the stuff grandma has in the spice cabinet she never uses) and orange peels (otherwise known as garbage). Of course Anheuser-Busch thinks this clever move, along with buying up all the ads during last weeks SNL, will boost profits. Ya know the routine? It's alot like the smooth marketing campaign in the mid eighties when Coca-Cola woke up one day and decided to change the one thing that made them "Coca-Cola"..... the flavor of COKE. We got NEW coke. Of course we all know how that ended. So now Anheuser-Busch is gonna give us all a golden shower of "wheat & citrus" undoubtedly leaving us all really thirsty.

Are we there yet??

Hi! Welcome to Hell! Where hell is commuting in this day and age on the highways and streets of America's cities. Whoever invented these things really needs to have their head examined to confirm what I already know. NO BRAINS! I ask you, how did we ever live without voice guided GPS navigation? Quite safely thank you! It's as if people have never driven outside their neighborhood. Everyday countless people embark on quests of madness not knowing where they're going. Now it's not because they haven't been there before or because they're lost. NO NO! It's because the brain dead masses feel they need to be told what they must do next. "In 300 ft turn left", the young woman's voice says as people blindly obey the instructions like some GARMIN or TOM TOM cult following. I say "WAKE UP!" before we plow right into a building because we took the next available left turn or worse yet, listen to the "make a u-turn" command. I remember a long long loooong time ago in the early nineties when we used to take pictures of the ground from the air and put these pictures on paper. We called them maps and they were very useful at telling you where to go. Of course you need to know how to read before using one but we use to get to where we were going with no problem. Not today though, today we have technology which "FREEs" us from our troubles. Funny! I remember a time when we Americans would consider being TOLD what to do an insult to our freedom. The whole idea of finally getting your license to drive was so you could escape, for a little while, the confines of being told what to do. Movement in YOUR vehicle was free. You could go where you wanted, see whom you wanted and not be told how to do it. WOW, have times changed! Now we free ourselves in our vehicles by being told, from a computer no less, where to go and what to do. "Are we there yet"? and the answer is yes if "THERE" is facing westbound in the eastbound lanes of the 210 freeway. I say, Where does THERE end???

Legal Crack

My girlfriend makes fun of me about this but I don't care. Yes! I'm a 32 year old man and I love Lucky Charms. This is General Mills' attempt at legal crack but here's the wrinkle in my little story. I think this cereal is better now then when you were a kid. When you were a kid you went straight for the Cap'n Crunch, Count Chocula, or dear god every parents nightmare Fruity Pebbles. But the Lucky Charms just didn't seem to make the cut. Well that's all over with apparently after your 25th birthday because now I freebase them like some crack addict in a back alley. Even more strange is, on the box, how the fun loving character "Lucky" teases you with some marshmallow infused Timothy Leary acid trip. He beckons you to "grab" his lucky charms and has added so many different marshmallows over the years that to resist is impossible. So you're basically left in a legal marshmallow induced sugar coma. What's so "Magically Delicious" about that?

Un appetizing!

As I was flipping through channels the other day and casually surfing the web I saw it. It was the most unentertaining show on tv. Of course reading my girlfriends Facebook page helped me to remember and it all came rushing back in horrid clarity. Go ahead, guess. Give up? It's Food Network's "What Would Brian Boitano Make"? and the answer is: WHO CARES! I mean what do ice skating and cooking have in common? UH...... Nothing! Why is this guy even on TV? Okay so he's a food enthusiast. So am I but you don't see me being beamed to your television set everyday at noon. Has Food Network lost their collective minds with this one? Are they trying to appeal to the gay and lesbian viewer? If so stop because I'm pretty sure gay and lesbian viewers hate bad TV as much as straight viewers do. It also can't be because of his outstanding culinary expertise because he doesn't MAKE anything special. It's just food! Rest assured if this show continues, I'm trying out for men's singles in figuring skating. Vancouver 2010 here I come!!

Exhaustion?

As I sat pondering one evening about how we humans work hard, I realized that as we age we find ourselves wishing we had the energy we did when we were younger. If an adult could just have a little boost every now and then of this youthful energy imagine what could be accomplished during our busy schedules. But we aren't children anymore and sadly lack the energy to barely make it through our days. Furthermore, as we age we also lose the ability to recharge our batteries and get good restorative sleep. Now imagine something that flies in that face of all that. Imagine something that seemingly isn't to terribly busy with work, is grown and has the ability to capture all that restorative sleep in so much that it ends up wasting it (knowingly) like a precious commodity. While it wastes this commodity, imagine something laughing at those who can't reclaim their youthful energy or the ability to recharge at will. Once you've cemented this picture firmly in your mind please ask yourself the following: What does that picture resemble???









THIS OF COURSE! Pisses me off.

Masters of the U-verse

Well, it's been a long time since I've wrote on my blog. I started to feel like a slacker when I realized it's been three years since I've posted anything. Never fear! So much has happened in my life it's kind of hard to know where to start. Whether it's being recently divorced, finding new love, or how fast my boys are growing, there are lots of good topics to write about. So I'm choosing to start with this: What is up with AT&T trying to conquer the universe?? I mean is this not the company that had a monopoly in the early eighties??? The government busted it up back then but that wasn't good enough. It's like a bad sequel to a horror movie: It's back with a vengence!! Now we are all connected with the iPhone (and it's apps) or "bundled" with AT&T's internet, cable (U-verse) and phone. Bundle of course being the new word for "scam". It just doesn't stop! Even AT&T's symbol (the world) or their slogan "More Bars in More Places" let's you know that no matter where you are or who you're talking to or whatever web site you're surfing, you're gonna owe them something. Truly the Master's of the U-verse have spoken. Hmm, now if I can just find my iPhone to text everybody about my blog. ;-)

Not a Postcard!

Yes, yes...... I know it's been awhile since I've updated but genius takes time. I had to really concentrate as I snapped this awesome photo of our city's annual Christmas tree. You see, I lack the ( I was born with it gift) of whatever crap you can think of. So when I do something that is remotely good I have to stand back and ask myself, "Jason, how did you not screw this up?" Some people just paint, play music or take photographs like it's nothing. They throw away stuff I would hang on my wall, collect in an album or listen to because they think it's not good. Those people (are stupid) & should be forced to teach community college classes on art for a semester so they could come to realize, in an artistic way, how really annoying they are when they whine about how they have no talent or inspiration. News flash!! Those of us who lack talent hate it when those who have talent try and act like us who have non. You're good, but we are better at being average so don't try and compete.